I love it.
I always feel better when I feel pretty. Which is really superficial, but I think a lot of people agree with that.
Today is a pretty day. It stopped raining. It's my brothers 29th birthday! I'm no longer ill. I've been reading and writing a lotttt lately, although it's not on here.. I've almost gotten my schedule perfect! And boy is it a lot of work.. I don't know how I'm going to afford this elaborate education.. BUT, where there's a will there's a way? And do I have a strong will power, yeah buddyyy.
I'm interested in so many aspects of psychology. It's a conceited sort of science, if you really think about it. Research is "me-search" hah. But I love it so much. I really hope to be famous for discovering something phenomenal in the field. The mad scientist am I! There isn't a thing that I don't love about it. except the time I use studying it takes away from my time for my little one. But it's all for a good cause.
Anyways... Positivity. I think I already wrote about this? Is that a good sign? I'm so manic.
Positivity is great! It should be more common. Not just in the positive work sense, but just smiling. Smile. It will go far. Kill people with kindness!
But okay. I have a lot to do today.
And I've been neglecting my blog lately, because life is hectic as always. That's life. I'll write more. But it's not like anybody reads this stuff? It's okay. It's okay. I'm arguing with myself on the internet. Wow.
PEACE!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Abandonment
How can people recover from this?
When you are in love, completely and whole heartedly and the one you love leaves, forever. What is a person to do with that? How can a person live without their other half.
The soul shattering pain.
Louis Wain became schizophrenic due to his abandonment. His wife tragically died of cancer. He was an artist and you can tell in his drawings that there was something wrong with his "life like" cats that he drew.
He would draw them while his wife was dying of cancer to cheer her up, and he kept drawing them after she was gone.
I can understand the pain along with the insanity. It could happen to many people given the circumstances. Trauma can be so crippling that you just lose touch with all of reality. You start to live in a fantasy world made up of memories you once shared. You think you see the one you love everywhere you look. Haunting dreams consume you, take over your every thought. You find yourself wearing their old clothes, just to feel closer. You blame yourself for everything that happened. You hate them for leaving you, yet you are still longing for them. The eloquent agony will drag you under like a thick fog in a cow field. It's all you can think of. No matter what you try, no one measures up to them. Nothing is distracting enough. You try, and try again to just forget it but it's always there. It's a permanent hurt. The wounds may heal, but there is scar tissue. Big, ugly and awful scars.
i can't get over you
When you are in love, completely and whole heartedly and the one you love leaves, forever. What is a person to do with that? How can a person live without their other half.
The soul shattering pain.
Louis Wain became schizophrenic due to his abandonment. His wife tragically died of cancer. He was an artist and you can tell in his drawings that there was something wrong with his "life like" cats that he drew.
He would draw them while his wife was dying of cancer to cheer her up, and he kept drawing them after she was gone.
I can understand the pain along with the insanity. It could happen to many people given the circumstances. Trauma can be so crippling that you just lose touch with all of reality. You start to live in a fantasy world made up of memories you once shared. You think you see the one you love everywhere you look. Haunting dreams consume you, take over your every thought. You find yourself wearing their old clothes, just to feel closer. You blame yourself for everything that happened. You hate them for leaving you, yet you are still longing for them. The eloquent agony will drag you under like a thick fog in a cow field. It's all you can think of. No matter what you try, no one measures up to them. Nothing is distracting enough. You try, and try again to just forget it but it's always there. It's a permanent hurt. The wounds may heal, but there is scar tissue. Big, ugly and awful scars.
i can't get over you
Friday, December 17, 2010
Nurture Vs. Nature
I saw the documentary about the John/Joan nurture vs. nature case years ago, which triggered more of an interest in psychology for me.
John Money was a psychologist at John's Hopkins University, one of a few hospitals in the U.S. that actually do sexual reassignment surgeries.
He referred to his famous "John/Joan" case as a huge success, therefore there were many sexual reassignments done in confidence of his one "successful" case. He lied. It was nothing but a failure and a horribly unforgivable crime. There would be a12-year program of social, mental and hormonal conditioning to make the transformation take hold in his psyche. The case was reported as an unqualified success, and he became one of the most famous (though anonymous) patients of modern medicine.
David Reimer was an identical twin, his brother Brian had no defects after his circumcision, though his life was a tragedy as well.
He convinced David Reimer's parents to put their son in an experiment. David Reimer was given a botched circumcision when he was 8 months old, which consequently destroyed his penis. Doctor Money convinced David's parents that it would be the best possible answer for young David.
Dr. Money was named "one of the greatest sex researchers of the century." He was credited for a lie.
He claimed that your sexual identity was purely an environmental aspect, nurture not nature. He believed that babies were born neutral and you could essentially change their gender without any consequences.
In school, kindergarden the kids, even the teachers didn't treat him like the others. He was not feminine whatsoever. He wanted to play with tinkertoys with his twin brother and act like a rough n tough boy. (Not liking barbies does not mean you should be a boy, I hated barbies and make up and brushing my hair. Haha) He associated with being a boy much more than a girl. “It was like brainwashing,” he claimed. “I’d give just about anything to go to a hypnotist to black out my whole past. Because it’s torture. What they did to you in the body is sometimes not near as bad as what they did to you in the mind – with the psychological warfare in your head.”
This all could have been put to a stop had their parents done something about it and let David be a boy as he wished, as he was supposed to be, as he was. You don't mess with nature. And you can't just choose your children's fate and sexual identity. It's just completely wrong.
I hate that these boys went through so much.
David's twin brother, Brian committed suicide when he was 36 years old. He had suffered from schizophrenia..
David did as well when he was 38 years old. His wife was going to leave him..
Dr. Money reportedly told Paidika, a Dutch journal of pedophilia, “If I were to see the case of a boy aged 10 or 12 who’s intensely attracted toward a man in his 20s or 30s, if the relationship is totally mutual, and the bonding is genuinely totally mutual, then I would not call it pathological in any way.”
This doctor was a sick and evil person that tortured this children psychologically.
This was a serious tragedy and deeply heart aching that some people can be so cruel to defenseless human beings.
John Money was a psychologist at John's Hopkins University, one of a few hospitals in the U.S. that actually do sexual reassignment surgeries.
He referred to his famous "John/Joan" case as a huge success, therefore there were many sexual reassignments done in confidence of his one "successful" case. He lied. It was nothing but a failure and a horribly unforgivable crime. There would be a12-year program of social, mental and hormonal conditioning to make the transformation take hold in his psyche. The case was reported as an unqualified success, and he became one of the most famous (though anonymous) patients of modern medicine.
David Reimer was an identical twin, his brother Brian had no defects after his circumcision, though his life was a tragedy as well.
He convinced David Reimer's parents to put their son in an experiment. David Reimer was given a botched circumcision when he was 8 months old, which consequently destroyed his penis. Doctor Money convinced David's parents that it would be the best possible answer for young David.
Dr. Money was named "one of the greatest sex researchers of the century." He was credited for a lie.
He claimed that your sexual identity was purely an environmental aspect, nurture not nature. He believed that babies were born neutral and you could essentially change their gender without any consequences.
In school, kindergarden the kids, even the teachers didn't treat him like the others. He was not feminine whatsoever. He wanted to play with tinkertoys with his twin brother and act like a rough n tough boy. (Not liking barbies does not mean you should be a boy, I hated barbies and make up and brushing my hair. Haha) He associated with being a boy much more than a girl. “It was like brainwashing,” he claimed. “I’d give just about anything to go to a hypnotist to black out my whole past. Because it’s torture. What they did to you in the body is sometimes not near as bad as what they did to you in the mind – with the psychological warfare in your head.”
This all could have been put to a stop had their parents done something about it and let David be a boy as he wished, as he was supposed to be, as he was. You don't mess with nature. And you can't just choose your children's fate and sexual identity. It's just completely wrong.
I hate that these boys went through so much.
David's twin brother, Brian committed suicide when he was 36 years old. He had suffered from schizophrenia..
David did as well when he was 38 years old. His wife was going to leave him..
Dr. Money reportedly told Paidika, a Dutch journal of pedophilia, “If I were to see the case of a boy aged 10 or 12 who’s intensely attracted toward a man in his 20s or 30s, if the relationship is totally mutual, and the bonding is genuinely totally mutual, then I would not call it pathological in any way.”
This doctor was a sick and evil person that tortured this children psychologically.
This was a serious tragedy and deeply heart aching that some people can be so cruel to defenseless human beings.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Evil.
I gave myself a week off.. bad. Sorrrryyyyy. really. Not that anyone even reads this to begin with!
I'm done with school for a month!
So this post is inspired by the song "Evil" by Interpol.
The song is about Rosemary West. The English serial killer.
The lyrics are creepy. I don't really know why I am so interested with serial killers, maybe it's the extremeness of it. How can people seriously get to that point in there?
Well, mental defect has a lot to do with it.
But also many other things play roles in it. Such as your whole surroundings.
Rosemary West was sexually abused by her father as a young teen. (Allegedly)
She got pregnant with Fred West's baby at 17. Fred West had already killed two people when they married.They had this whole sick prostitution ring in there home, where Rosemary's own father would frequent.. To see her. And Fred's young daughter. And other young girls that they would kidnap, torture and murder..
Now, these awful things don't always occur in the making of serial killers. For instance, Jeffrey Dahmer. He had a normal upbringing. Parents that cared about him. But he definitely had either social problems or psychological problems. Who goes and puts a dog head on a stake? He was also an alcoholic by his high school graduation. (Really it's crazy that he graduated)
But then there were many serial killers that were very intelligent. i.e. Ted Bundy. He actually personally knew the true crime writer Ann Rule. He killed over thirty five women. Trauma struck him by the abandonment of breaking up with his girlfriend. He had just learned of his true genealogy. He was under the impression that his mother was his sister, his real father unknown. I'm not trying to justify these revolting crimes, but there are reasons why these things happen. And there are proactive ways to react to them. Reach out to people that you see have a hard time making friends. Befriend people. Ted Bundy had no understandings of how to talk to people or how one became friends.
There are many ways to look at how you become the person you are.
You are a product of your environment. There's no one thing or person that is responsible.
It's everything.
I'm done with school for a month!
So this post is inspired by the song "Evil" by Interpol.
The song is about Rosemary West. The English serial killer.
The lyrics are creepy. I don't really know why I am so interested with serial killers, maybe it's the extremeness of it. How can people seriously get to that point in there?
Well, mental defect has a lot to do with it.
But also many other things play roles in it. Such as your whole surroundings.
Rosemary West was sexually abused by her father as a young teen. (Allegedly)
She got pregnant with Fred West's baby at 17. Fred West had already killed two people when they married.They had this whole sick prostitution ring in there home, where Rosemary's own father would frequent.. To see her. And Fred's young daughter. And other young girls that they would kidnap, torture and murder..
Now, these awful things don't always occur in the making of serial killers. For instance, Jeffrey Dahmer. He had a normal upbringing. Parents that cared about him. But he definitely had either social problems or psychological problems. Who goes and puts a dog head on a stake? He was also an alcoholic by his high school graduation. (Really it's crazy that he graduated)
But then there were many serial killers that were very intelligent. i.e. Ted Bundy. He actually personally knew the true crime writer Ann Rule. He killed over thirty five women. Trauma struck him by the abandonment of breaking up with his girlfriend. He had just learned of his true genealogy. He was under the impression that his mother was his sister, his real father unknown. I'm not trying to justify these revolting crimes, but there are reasons why these things happen. And there are proactive ways to react to them. Reach out to people that you see have a hard time making friends. Befriend people. Ted Bundy had no understandings of how to talk to people or how one became friends.
There are many ways to look at how you become the person you are.
You are a product of your environment. There's no one thing or person that is responsible.
It's everything.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Beauty
Good health is beautiful.
It is most of time in the eye of the beholder.
Studies show that majority of people find about the same features to be physically appealing.
Majority of these things are considered "healthy" attributions to people.
What kind of skin is beautiful? Healthy skin. Tan, healthy, smooth skin is universally most beautiful.
What kind of hair is beautiful? Healthy, long, strong hair.
What kind of women are most mostly attracted to? Young, (Child bearing years) hour-glass shaped healthy women. Because, (and it's not just Sir Mix-A-Lot according to my teacher) that women need to have wide hips to be able to birth these large babies.
I really don't understand the infatuation to women that look like sticks. I'm not a lesbian or anything, but it's just not appealing. So, many young women (and some older) are just obsessed with being a size zero. And to me that is just sad on their part. Because anorexia nervosa can cause infertility and just basically the shut down of all your organs. You have to have food to survive and have energy and live.
Your brain needs a lot of food to work properly. I can't remember how much food it actually uses, but it seems like I want to say 75% I'll get back to you on that.
But anyways, I know not everyone is attracted to the same things. But, majority rules in this case.
People like tall, dark and handsome (And healthy) people.
Think, if we were attracted to unhealthy features how long would the human race last?
We'd die off after about a hundred generations.
All of this talking (ranting) makes me think of Lady Godiva. I don't really know much about her except she was super pretty. Apparently she had extremely long hair and rode around on a horse naked?
That's weird if you ask me..
Maybe I should read the story.
Anyways, I am sleepy. Finals tomorrow.
Sorry this isn't the greatest post ever.
Maybe this would be a good read.
It is most of time in the eye of the beholder.
Studies show that majority of people find about the same features to be physically appealing.
Majority of these things are considered "healthy" attributions to people.
What kind of skin is beautiful? Healthy skin. Tan, healthy, smooth skin is universally most beautiful.
What kind of hair is beautiful? Healthy, long, strong hair.
What kind of women are most mostly attracted to? Young, (Child bearing years) hour-glass shaped healthy women. Because, (and it's not just Sir Mix-A-Lot according to my teacher) that women need to have wide hips to be able to birth these large babies.
I really don't understand the infatuation to women that look like sticks. I'm not a lesbian or anything, but it's just not appealing. So, many young women (and some older) are just obsessed with being a size zero. And to me that is just sad on their part. Because anorexia nervosa can cause infertility and just basically the shut down of all your organs. You have to have food to survive and have energy and live.
Your brain needs a lot of food to work properly. I can't remember how much food it actually uses, but it seems like I want to say 75% I'll get back to you on that.
But anyways, I know not everyone is attracted to the same things. But, majority rules in this case.
People like tall, dark and handsome (And healthy) people.
Think, if we were attracted to unhealthy features how long would the human race last?
We'd die off after about a hundred generations.
All of this talking (ranting) makes me think of Lady Godiva. I don't really know much about her except she was super pretty. Apparently she had extremely long hair and rode around on a horse naked?
That's weird if you ask me..
Maybe I should read the story.
Anyways, I am sleepy. Finals tomorrow.
Sorry this isn't the greatest post ever.
Maybe this would be a good read.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Insanity
It is such a complicated legal term. Extremely hard to prove in a courtroom and less than 1% of cases that reach trial.
Probably the most publicized case involving the insanity plea is Andrea Yates.
Andrea Yates had suffered from psychosis and postpartum depression, very badly one might say. She drowned all five of her children and calmly called her husband and told him he should come home.
At first she was found guilty and sentenced her to life in prison. Then an appellate court overturned this conviction but was found guilty by reason of insanity.
Her husband would not get her mental treatment.
Can you imagine having horribly awful depression and on top of that be home all day long with five young children ages 7, 6, 4, 3, and a baby not even one years old yet. Four of them were boys. All in one house, being homeschooled by this poor woman that was struggling so much with no help whatsoever.
She now resides in an high-security mental health facility.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE children. I see this as a horribly awful and completely heartbreaking story. But she was not right mentally and I can understand that. She seriously needed some sort of help. Her husband, in my opinion, should get most of the blame for not realizing that his wife needed help. Serious psychotherapy was in need here, and nothing happened. Nothing good. Her poor children, I can't imagine that kind of fear. Watching all of your siblings get drown and being the last one. How heart-renching.
Pay attention to those around you. Help them help themselves by getting treatment if needed. Hopefully it could prevent an awful crime like this.
I pray for her family, and her soul. May Andrea Yates find some way to forgive herself and get right with God.
Peace and Love.
These look really interesting.
In most states it refers to a person who cannot be held responsible for his or her actions, or is judged incompetent to manage his or her own affairs, because of mental illness.
Probably the most publicized case involving the insanity plea is Andrea Yates.
Andrea Yates had suffered from psychosis and postpartum depression, very badly one might say. She drowned all five of her children and calmly called her husband and told him he should come home.
At first she was found guilty and sentenced her to life in prison. Then an appellate court overturned this conviction but was found guilty by reason of insanity.
Her husband would not get her mental treatment.
Can you imagine having horribly awful depression and on top of that be home all day long with five young children ages 7, 6, 4, 3, and a baby not even one years old yet. Four of them were boys. All in one house, being homeschooled by this poor woman that was struggling so much with no help whatsoever.
She now resides in an high-security mental health facility.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE children. I see this as a horribly awful and completely heartbreaking story. But she was not right mentally and I can understand that. She seriously needed some sort of help. Her husband, in my opinion, should get most of the blame for not realizing that his wife needed help. Serious psychotherapy was in need here, and nothing happened. Nothing good. Her poor children, I can't imagine that kind of fear. Watching all of your siblings get drown and being the last one. How heart-renching.
Pay attention to those around you. Help them help themselves by getting treatment if needed. Hopefully it could prevent an awful crime like this.
I pray for her family, and her soul. May Andrea Yates find some way to forgive herself and get right with God.
Peace and Love.
These look really interesting.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Conformity!
I hate it!
So so so very much do I despise conformity.
Well, let's start this off.
What is conformity you may ask?
So so so very much do I despise conformity.
Well, let's start this off.
What is conformity you may ask?
Freely doing what others are doing
(i.e., being a dumb copycat without a sense of individuality)
Yeah, there I said it. And that goes for all of those dumb little girls that buy UGG boots. Which are in fact, UGGly as crap.
and not cheap at all!
goodness, i wouldn't wear these if someone paid me to wear them.
uhhhhh
I mean c'mon kids, think for yourself.
be the weirdo in your class that EVERYONE thinks is flying high as a kite. But really. You. Just. Have. An awesomely funny personality.
(ahem, ahem; ME)
but yeah, I did recently buy some boots.
But they were so so not even similar to these ugly mammer jammers.
they were more similar to these, but brown.
and size 9 in women's.
AND ENOUGH WITH THESE DUMB GALOSHES ALREADY!
some are sorta cool looking and i actually wanted some
until every where i looked dumb little sorority girls were sportin' 'em.
they're not that comfy anywhozzle.
Anyways, back to my point.
It is much more common for people to copy other people.
Like in a situation such as... Say you just walked out of McDonald's and you see everyone running away screaming. The most logical thing to do would be run too, assuming there's like an army tank with some psycho in it i guess? Chances are, I'd get in my car and leave but yeahh..
It's vital for your survival in some situations to conform.
Or in another scenario when a teacher asks the class as a whole what the answer to something is and the whole class says something different than what you have.
"What is 2+2 kids?" says Mr. Bob "Five!" says the whole class.
You think to yourself "Am I losing my mind? What the heck?"
You're most likely going to conform and say five so that you aren't an "outlier". Humans avoid confrontations at all cost. Therefor, you'll sound dumb on purpose just to not cause a ruckus.
Well, that's all I've got today.
I know this was messy and junk but so is my brain right now.
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